My Cup of Tea

When you are down and disappointed it is easy to believe that you've had months of bad days, that it rained every minute of the day and that people in the surroundings look like hammers ready to nail you down in despair.  Few days ago when I realized I could not watch "The Hobbit" in cinema because there's no one to go with, I became sulky and very sad. I've been waiting for this movie to come out in the big screen for years, just imagined the amount of exasperation and resentment I felt at that moment. I stayed in my room all through out Sunday, rolling my eyeballs to the four corners, wondering why my destiny seemed like a huge curse. But I tried to appear cheerful and happy when I reported to work the next day and discarded those bad notions about loneliness. Life is wonderful to be wasted on things that could never be realized. it's totally pointless and I am tired begging for something that could never be given to me. I am very exhausted analyzin...

We rarely have a Christmas party   (non-teaching personnel of UIC)   because we could not agree to almost everything. The last time we agreed to have one was in 2008. Most of us felt it’s a way too much since some offices already organized their own party then we have an institutional Christmas party to look forward to. But this year, well, most of our colleagues argued, that we should have our own Christmas party. We don't have institutional Christmas party this year because the RVM sisters decided to donate the money to the Pablo typhoon victims in Davao Oriental. For individuals who struggled everyday just to meet daily needs, this kind of social activity is simply inconceivable. But despite some objections, the plan pushed through and the venue (and date) was chosen – Grand Menseng Hotel, December 11, 2012. One thing I detested about this formal gathering is the anxiety of thinking what to wear. It’s simply too much to my mentally exhausted brain to contemplate...

Felt extremely bad. I wasn't able to watch " The Hobbit" in cinema, I've been waiting this film for years to get its way to the theater but when it finally arrived there's no one to go with. None of my friends showed interest on it. Their movie type is that damn shit cheap mistress concept film I find cranky and dull-witted. I prefer historical and adult fantasy films so we are not on the same league. I never dreamed to go to cinema alone, so I ended up fretting in my room cursing my destiny why I could not be with somebody. But when I got back to myself, I thought, it was not because of my failure to watch The Hobbit in cinema that caused my distress. There’s more into it. There's this old...really, really old unresolved issue that kept thudding inside my brain and still hanging in my horizon. You know the feeling when you keep on promising yourself to stay calm and relax and thoroughly forget the unreachable things that could never be realized a...

I rarely go out. I hate being in the crowd, ever since I was a teenager, I don’t like hanging around with friends, I fretted their noise, their nonsense talks. Back then, I would hide in my parents’ room every time they would come to our house. When I attended college and lived in the city for good, my attitude towards “hanging-out” did not change. I would still prefer to stay at home rather than go out. I considered disco and bar houses as nastiest places on earth. I detested girls who are loud, who compulsively drink and smoke, who enjoyed night life, who had an unthinkable lifestyle, I often think they are bad influence and hanging around with them would not get me anywhere. Going elsewhere with people I am not comfortable with, bores me to death and wandering around is not my idea of living life to the fullest. Oh well, maybe I was not born with itchy feet. Even today, except for making grocery and other errands, I seldom go to the malls. It's maddening...

Sometime in November this year, due to several reasons, I had deactivated my Facebook account. I became increasingly annoyed with its disgusting features, the TIMELINE is so irritating that I thought Facebook is no longer a fascinating fad. But due to several pages I created for my sites ( Royal World , Wedding Guide , Party Essentials and Dew of Nature ), I was compelled to create a temporary account to serve as "admin" so that I can still access my pages. I have no plan to invite friends there but I will only log in to visit and update my pages.  Since Facebook pages are dependent with who created it, the secondary "admin" could not access the profile of the people who liked that page (unless that "secondary admin" is also a friend to those people). When I deactivated my Facebook account, I thought of reactivating it in the future because I recognized its importance of driving traffic to my blogsites, but now that I read something from yahoo...

Have you ever been in a situation where things are just so unbearable? It feels like hell lately. Everyday, I would look at the mirror and see nothing but a wretched girl trapped in the abyss of nothingness. Everything is a bloody pretense, I would go to the workplace with a fake smile, a dull enthusiasm, a dreary temper. Watching myself rolled into desolation, I wondered why I allowed myself to invest too much emotions. Why I never learned a lesson from the past? It feels like I am in a torture cell wondering what my torturer would do next. It was as if someone had screamed, " hey, idiot didn't you know you're horrible?you're ugly and you are not really valued and appreciated and nobody really wants you and I only think about you if I have something to ask or I need some help and beyond that you are nothing but a useless crap !" So emotionally draining. And I don't want to go on like this. I did so many sacrifices already and wasted so ...

I rarely wrote entries in my weekend diary category because there's nothing extraordinary to talk about every week, I hate raking my brain with something not worthy to share anyway. I got so tired spurting my distress and discomfort all over again, in fact I get used to it that I am no longer surprise why my weekend is painfully exhausting, mentally. But this week is slightly different, well, not that I suddenly realized I should update my blog, but there's something into it that I want to share, it's all about surprises and inspiration. It's the last week of November and I am always excited when December comes. N ovember 27, Tuesday . We attended a birthday party in honor of Dr. Amy Gravino who turned 50, her children and husband surprised her with a kiddie birthday party at Jollibee. It was so funny and very unique, all of us became young again, traveling back in time when nothing matters in the world except fun, laughter and foods!  I joined others in a ...