My Cup of Tea

Several areas in Luzon are devastated by floods again due to the effects of typhoon, Maring . Most areas in Metro Manila are almost not passable.  Got so scared with the heavy rainfall! I never witnessed this situation in Davao City. The rain pounded the metropolis non-stop since Saturday afternoon. The downpour is so fierce especially during night time, felt like snowballs were smashed at the roof of the house, I'm so terrified with the notion of flood so I became very vigilant with the water level of the river near the house we lived, thank God it did not overflow, so we are safe here. My sympathy, prayer and compassion go to the people who are greatly affected with this latest natural calamity, it's so depressing to hear them struggled in their homes, trying to cope up with the devastation inflicted by flood, the damages were so great it created trauma and distressing experience to most of them, others lost their homes and loved ones. Praying for more strength ...

“Happiness is like a butterfly The more you chase it the more it eludes you But if you turn your attention to other things It comes and sits softly in your shoulder” -        Henry David Thoreau Life can be so unpleasant sometimes. Fragmented. Wretched. Contrite. You never know what moment in a day a ghastly feeling would strike. It just bursts somewhere. And for a splitting second, a once rosy disposition suddenly replaced with gloom. I felt extremely disappointed today, really, really bad. The feeling of rejection is all over my system once again.  Why I have to feel this way Lord? I have no reason to complain in the first place, everyone has the right to enjoy, to make decisions, to choose who they want to be with, but why I mope?Why I brood on something beyond my control? The day turned horribly wrong, I don’t know what it is that makes the whole thing totally messy and disappointing. Maybe because of the gloomy weath...

An incredibly hot Sunday!! The overtly warm temperature, sweltering heat of the summer sun annoyingly penetrated my skin that even beyond 5:00 in the afternoon my body seemed in convulsion. The weather is getting worst everyday felt like I am being roasted alive in my room. As the sun rises, my mind is in great agony again where to spend my noon and afternoon time especially if there's no work because I cannot tolerate any longer the rising temperature in my room.  I wanted to curse those people who were responsible in cutting the two trees near our boarding house fronting my room window. Why they cut it when it was the only shed that could protect us from this awful hot condition?Haaaay climate change is really a man-made catastrophe.

For the past months, years, decades perhaps, I made to believe myself I am a great failure, that I am worthless. The inspirational messages I heard and read about "valuing oneself" and "believing in your worth" just did not sink in my mind. It felt like I was bound to fail. So I hesitated doing things that might highlight failure.  This self-defeating concept gradually molded my perception about myself that eventually defined my journey. I was too scared to move away from my comfort zone, too terrified to try on many things which hampered my personal growth in the long run. This negative definition about myself intensified when I suffered one dreadful rejection episode in my life. It  sank my self-confidence and deepened my belief that I am not good on anything. It became a wound that badly damaged my self-esteem. But time heals all wounds, so they say. And for all those times that I was agonizing in pain over a failed "dream" I'd come to ...

Felt extremely bad. I wasn't able to watch " The Hobbit" in cinema, I've been waiting this film for years to get its way to the theater but when it finally arrived there's no one to go with. None of my friends showed interest on it. Their movie type is that damn shit cheap mistress concept film I find cranky and dull-witted. I prefer historical and adult fantasy films so we are not on the same league. I never dreamed to go to cinema alone, so I ended up fretting in my room cursing my destiny why I could not be with somebody. But when I got back to myself, I thought, it was not because of my failure to watch The Hobbit in cinema that caused my distress. There’s more into it. There's this old...really, really old unresolved issue that kept thudding inside my brain and still hanging in my horizon. You know the feeling when you keep on promising yourself to stay calm and relax and thoroughly forget the unreachable things that could never be realized a...

Sometime in November this year, due to several reasons, I had deactivated my Facebook account. I became increasingly annoyed with its disgusting features, the TIMELINE is so irritating that I thought Facebook is no longer a fascinating fad. But due to several pages I created for my sites ( Royal World , Wedding Guide , Party Essentials and Dew of Nature ), I was compelled to create a temporary account to serve as "admin" so that I can still access my pages. I have no plan to invite friends there but I will only log in to visit and update my pages.  Since Facebook pages are dependent with who created it, the secondary "admin" could not access the profile of the people who liked that page (unless that "secondary admin" is also a friend to those people). When I deactivated my Facebook account, I thought of reactivating it in the future because I recognized its importance of driving traffic to my blogsites, but now that I read something from yahoo...

Have you ever been in a situation where things are just so unbearable? It feels like hell lately. Everyday, I would look at the mirror and see nothing but a wretched girl trapped in the abyss of nothingness. Everything is a bloody pretense, I would go to the workplace with a fake smile, a dull enthusiasm, a dreary temper. Watching myself rolled into desolation, I wondered why I allowed myself to invest too much emotions. Why I never learned a lesson from the past? It feels like I am in a torture cell wondering what my torturer would do next. It was as if someone had screamed, " hey, idiot didn't you know you're horrible?you're ugly and you are not really valued and appreciated and nobody really wants you and I only think about you if I have something to ask or I need some help and beyond that you are nothing but a useless crap !" So emotionally draining. And I don't want to go on like this. I did so many sacrifices already and wasted so ...

I want to minimize my "visibility" in the internet so I decided to deactivate my Facebook account and deleted my Google+ account. I am now concentrating in Twitter for the sake of attracting more traffic to my sites. I've several public blogs, searching me online is a lot easier than finding me walking in the street so having a Facebook account is a way too much, I am afraid my privacy is in danger.  After eight years of joining several social networking sites, from Friendster to MySpace, to Facebook and Google+, I had enough. I became disillusioned with "socializing" online. I joined Facebook in 2007 when everyone was still emotionally attached to Friendster, by that time Facebook was still a quiet place, now it looked like a messy gang street. I detested its new platform and features, I fretted other people's vulgarity and blatant showdown of vanity. So despising. There was no more excitement, no more mystery to hold on, everything is very public....

Last night, I was a little bit woozy, feeling the same discomfort again, seems like an agonizing idea of dejection, which I thought was lifted years ago, had resurfaced.  I moved the little chair and squint on the blurry object pinned against the wall of my room. There's no meaning on it, only a blank space and a senseless ardor of clinging on something I cannot own. Time stood still and for a moment, it felt like I was standing in the swirl of desolation. Same old story that keeps repeating, like a broken record and the noise of it already tires me. It needs to be buried. It needs to be thrown away. Finally, oh Jesus!How many times I mentioned the word "finally"? How many times I should be humiliated to learn a hard lesson in life? I wanted to hold on. I wanted to cling to the last strand of hope. I wanted to believe that one day, some day,  this crazy longing will be realized. But life is so tough and time would not just give in. Over and over again the s...

I am so irritable these past days...so many annoyance, disappointments and frustrations. My mood is swinging high and I am on the verge of quitting my not-so-appealing job. I hate this environment, so irritated that I want to eat and eat whole day. No, I am not in bad trouble of course, I just felt extremely exhausted with so many things. Why I felt really bad?It seems there's an evil spirit lurking behind my back. The breakouts in my face maybe have something to do with my tantrums. For heaven's sake why these annoying pimples kept returning in my skin?? I felt very ugly even more, so ugly that I am not in a good condition to fix myself. Negative emotions keep haunting me. I felt I am ugly, I felt I am not needed, not loved nor liked. I felt people in my surroundings rejected me every minute of the day. I hate this feeling, I want to escape temporarily. If I had only the money, I would really take a break to a foreign land and just stroll around the park and momentari...

BRAZO DE MERCEDES, yum!yum! My cravings grew intensely everyday..am I sad?Hmmm..well, I think no...maybe I just want to eat and relax...in a cafe house, surfing the net, do some blogging and eat creamy carbonara and brazo de mercedes  while sipping green tea or apple cider tea or Passionfruit iced tea...whatever is available...to  remove some clutters in my mind... Just so severely tired mentally....and escaping to a cafe house I think is a practical alternative (since going to Europe is incredibly impossible)....I love carbonara and brazo..I am not really into sweets because I cannot endure the sugary taste. Carbonara is just right. Brazo is not really super sweet because it is primarily made from white eggs. I just felt losing my grip...and felt very tired undergoing the same scheme all over again. Why am I so submissive and gullible?Why I didn't learn my lessons? Maybe I should disconnect temporarily to allow some breathing space in my life...to sort out thi...

Kate Middleton and her mother, Carole Middleton, can be compared to Sir Thomas Boleyn and his daughter Anne Boleyn. Both great schemers. But unlike the Middletons, the Boleyns were aristocrats. THE BOLEYNS During medieval period, being linked to a King or a future King is like acquiring a large Estate, it would also enhance their standing in the society, so parents pushed their daughters so hard to be near to the royals. Sir Thomas Boleyn was exactly one of them. When his two daughters, Mary and Anne, were growing up, he made it clear they would be hovering around royalty. He sent both his daughters to the French court to be trained as Ladies-in-waiting.  When Anne returned home, she became an accomplished and well-educated woman ready to become a mistress of a King. Her father and uncle, Thomas Howard, the 2nd Duke of Norfolk, moved forward to place her in the English royal court, they introduced the young Anne to the notorious King, Henry VIII. Anne first served as...

Why the wedding of Prince William and his commoner girlfriend is being sensationalized by the media as if it is the most important thing in the world that could save the world from the global crisis? Though, I  posted several entries in my ROYAL WORLD blog about their upcoming wedding, I am not totally drawn with their union, the only reason I followed the event is because Prince William is a royalty and my royal blog talks about European royalty, and it is just very logical to include his wedding event. But unlike other people, I am not fascinated with his non-aristocratic bride-to-be. I've been a royal watcher f o r nea rly 20 years now . I am one of those royalists out there who strongly opposed the inclusion of commoners into the royal fold, this personal displeasure is probably shared by most conservative royals in the European royal court.  Andrew Morton, biographer of the late Princess of Wales, Diana, said it more blatantly: "Drafting commoners into the ...

This marks my 60th post here in My Life's Journey blog. So what's the significance with 60th post?hmmm nothing, except that I am always fascinated with the number 60 because it is always the transition period of people's existence: neither young nor old .  It's been five days since I celebrated my birthday and I still can't believe I reached this stage without any accomplishment other than chasing the private lives of the European royals. So last night, after taking dinner, I went straight to my room, pulled my little mapping notebook and began flipping on the pages where I wrote the things I need to do. For a while, my eyes glared on each plan and lifted my head wondering if those stuff are realistic or if I am just being unfortunate and luckless. Then I began another entry, another list and the strategies I should be taking. Until my mind ached with frustrations and disappointment. I am just tired of doing this boring routine, so I pulled the book of Mat...

... And it felt that way all the time. Why all these negative energies start reappearing? It spurred through one fateful event which was the last straw that broke the camel's back. Then another... Just this morning I felt so annoyed with some people who lacked common sense. But I don't want to go on tolerating all these negative forces inside, because it would just create a huge hole in my system and for heaven's sake I am tired carrying emotional baggage. For the past years, I mastered the art of pretension by keeping my annoyance towards other people with in me, I also discovered how to maintain self control and how to escape weariness-- by updating my blogs. Most often than not, it helps pacified my irritation and mood swing. Writing is always a good relief, a welcome respite and an excellent sanctuary for my cluttered mind. Every time I feel my tantrums would push me to act unreasonably, and every time bad days made me think I am a useless creature, ...

2010 December 4 I woke up at 6:35 in the morning to prepare for our Advent Recollection at the Kerygma Conference. After taking a bath (in a haste because it was so cold and I had a slight fever that morning) I ate wheat bread with hot Green Tea as my breakfast. I felt so empty and down while going to the Central bank, too many clutters clogging in my brain, felt like I was carrying a megawatt emotional baggage. When we arrived at the area, we took our seat at the far corner of the convention hall and waited for an hour before the conference started. I was only pacified when Bo Sanchez made his sharing. It was great, watching him talk live again pumped a different fulfillment. The last time I saw him was in November 2006 during his “Bo Talks” conference tour. I truly adored him because of his wisdom and enthusiasm to spread the word of God, I admired people like him because they always reminded me of my father who is serving the Catholic Church as a Eucharistic Minister for mo...