Carbonara and Brazo

BRAZO DE MERCEDES, yum!yum!

My cravings grew intensely everyday..am I sad?Hmmm..well, I think no...maybe I just want to eat and relax...in a cafe house, surfing the net, do some blogging and eat creamy carbonara and brazo de mercedes while sipping green tea or apple cider tea or Passionfruit iced tea...whatever is available...to  remove some clutters in my mind...

Just so severely tired mentally....and escaping to a cafe house I think is a practical alternative (since going to Europe is incredibly impossible)....I love carbonara and brazo..I am not really into sweets because I cannot endure the sugary taste. Carbonara is just right. Brazo is not really super sweet because it is primarily made from white eggs.

I just felt losing my grip...and felt very tired undergoing the same scheme all over again. Why am I so submissive and gullible?Why I didn't learn my lessons? Maybe I should disconnect temporarily to allow some breathing space in my life...to sort out things smartly.

I made myself believed once again...a trillion times maybe...that everything is rosy and mutual...that sort of "things" really exist...but as time goes by, it feels as though I am grasping stuff that were not really there in the first place...and yet I refused to listen to several warnings...but now I slowly realized...when you are being turned down repeatedly...

Well, there are really things in life that cannot be twisted...

 
Creamy Carbonara, one of my favorites!
 
Last night, I read this beautiful section in a magazine...about relationships, friendships maybe or something in-betweens...

You know when a person badly detested you, choosing other groups to be with or joining them at leisure time...say, treating them to a dinner or going somewhere, instead of giving you a piece of cake...it's a warning sign that they are not into you. so just keep a distance for heaven's sake!

Well, others are kept on longing to connect the missing dot of that someone they already lost by being with the people they used to be with when they are still an item....that's when you should be aware that you are traversing a dangerous road of rejection once again...that you are courting disaster....that everything is just a product of wild illusion...and there's no magical trick you can perform, not even a million sympathy and compassion, to resolve everything...that when you are undesirable, you really are, and there's nothing you can do about it. 

I am afraid of attracting another round of emotional disaster...so maybe I should dart my mind to another direction...I am tired being used....so tired thinking of what ifs and buts and all the wrong assumptions...

Feelings cannot be bartered and that's the truth. Sometimes our mind refused to cooperate, you know when it is still occupied with that someone we already lost, struggling hard how to put everything back again and wishing life plays magic to get back what we'd lost.

After reading that section in a magazine...I stop for a while then went on doing my assignments...I want to forget the messy things in my surroundings....I want to escape momentarily from all the bad thoughts of rejection....it is simply tormenting....

Maybe eating carbonara and brazo can do some tricks....tomorrow, I'll try to find time to sit in a cafe shop and devour these foods...

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